Seven Year Reflection
Next Thursday, January 16th, will mark the day my husband suddenly died. It’s been seven years. Part of me finds it hard to believe it’s been that long, and the other part of me senses it happened last month.
I began the new year with discomfort and immediately knew what it was. Grief was making its annual appearance once again. My brain and body go at it, like two people trying to get through the doorway simultaneously, each going in a different direction. One has to stand back and let the other in…as painful as it is. I let the pause happen and allow myself to be where I am: a place of remembering, reflecting, and honoring my husband by grieving and missing him.
In the past seven years, I’ve come to recognize and learn some things about grief. Here are seven things I know now that I didn’t know back then.
1. Grief is something we carry, not get over. We learn to live with it and come to terms with it.
2. Grief is a result of loving someone. We formed an attachment that doesn’t end when they die.
3. Time does not heal all wounds. While the intensity of pain lessens, we still bear scars.
4. Grief transforms us if we let it. Loss doesn’t define us, but will change us.
5. Grieving opens us to the depths of all our emotions. We can have more than one feeling at a time. We can feel happy without guilt and be grateful, yet grieving.
6. There is no “normal way” to grieve. We each get to do it in our own unique way.
7. The love for our person goes on despite their death. Our love continues and grows after they are gone.
Along my grief journey, I have learned that where I started is not where I stayed. For those of you who have recently lost a spouse or a loved one, you might wonder if you’ll make it.
Here are seven things I know to be true:
· You will survive.
· One day at a time.
· Three steps forward and two steps back.
· You are not alone.
· God sees, hears, knows, loves, and carries you.
· Your tears are recorded (Psalm 56:8)
· There is life after loss that can be good.
Long before my husband died, I had a quote in the front of my Bible. It didn’t mean then what it means now. “Out of the wreck, I rise.” (Robert Browning). We are going to make it by God’s grace and strength.
Psalm 116:5-9
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary;
when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return to your rest, my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
