Sacred Memories
Since my husband died, I’ve been able to return to many places that we went together like restaurants, places we traveled, and homes of friends. However, one place I haven't been able to go back to is the last place we were together before his death: Costa Rica.
My husband introduced me to this beautiful country in 1999 for the first time. The connection with Costa Rica is part of who he is. His mother was born and raised there until she married his father in 1942. Costa Rica was literally in his blood. The attachment to Costa Rica became more significant in the early 2000s when he became involved in going there on missions trips. His love increased for the beautiful people and scenic landscape, as did mine. After a dozen mission trips, up until the time of his death, Costa Rica was his happy place.
I’ve often asked myself the question, why don’t I return? I’ve come up with a few responses.
The recurring thought I have that keeps me from returning is it was the most significant thing we did together. Our “coupleness” was defined by going to Costa Rica. When he was in charge of the missions trips, I was his assistant, working along aside him and helping him. My Spanish is limited. However, my husband spoke fluent Spanish and would get us to where we needed to go and communicate with the people we were serving. I realize now I was more dependent on him in Costa Rica than at home, in a good way.
Another thought that I’ve considered is that I can’t not see Costa Rica separate from my husband. Going back for a vacation, even though it is one of the world’s most desired destinations, isn’t on my bucket list. My husband’s footprint is in Costa Rica.
Lastly, I sense that I want to have the memories of Costa Rica stay the same, with my husband’s legacy all over them. I don’t want the connection to be separate. There’s a sweetness and sacredness to maintaining the bond.
For now, I’m giving myself permission to remember my husband and the place he loved as is.
There’s a sense of honoring him and keeping his legacy in a beloved and beautiful place.