Scars and Wounds
Recently I heard a data expert say that between 5000-8000 people die daily in the United States. This was the normal statistic, not including the increase due to Covid in 2020. I’m not a numbers person, but this was startling. Each of those who died left people behind who loved them. Each person had a name, a family, and a place at the table at Thanksgiving. Each person is missed, grieved and remembered by their loved ones. Our loss creates a space to remember, reflect, appreciate, honor, celebrate, and love our person. We carry around the ache and scars of not having our loved one here.
I appreciate what psychotherapist, Candyce Ossefort-Russell, says, “Scars reveal that we have lived through something difficult and survived. Scars help us remember important people we have loved. If we have help and love and understanding to bear our grief, those scars don’t have to be burdens. Rather, they most often lead us toward compassion for others who are suffering, because death humbles all of us—no one is immune.”
I resonate with the words, “scars don’t have to be burdens.” In other words, our wounds are reminders, not restrictions that allow us to offer compassion to others who have experienced loss.
I had a recent experience of literally “running into” a woman that I knew 30 years ago. We had both attended the same church and she was someone I considered a mentor when I was a young mother. After our random meet-up, we scheduled a time to have lunch. I learned that she lost her husband tragically in an accident in 2017. As we both shared our stories of the unexpected loss of our husbands, I experienced a sense of empathy and understanding. There was mutual compassion in listening and speaking, with nods of “I know what you mean”.
Often there comes a sense of isolation in our grief journey. There is a space and time to process and grieve alone. However, we have something to offer others who grieve. Out of our pain, comes a compassion that we are able to share as we journey together, reminding us we are not alone.