With the holidays coming into view this month, it feels like there’s a magnifying glass on our loss: the empty chair at the table, the memories of past holidays, and the ache we feel as we anticipate the celebrations. For some of you, this might be the first holiday of all your firsts. Whether it’s the first or the fifth or the tenth, it’s not easy. Here are some thoughts on managing the holidays that I’ve learned the past three years.

1. Give yourself grace. You don’t have to celebrate the same way. You have permission to do what works for you. Cultural expectations can be put aside as you choose what’s best for you. Whether you choose to stay with traditions or create something different, it’s okay.

2. Make a plan. I found it helpful to create a plan of how my kids and I were going to get through the first Thanksgiving and Christmas. The plan gave me some sense of stability in a space of discomfort. Getting through the holiday itself was less intense when I had a plan.

3. Honor your loved one. In the first year of the loss of my husband, I attended a holiday event hosted by the local hospice program with a friend. At our table, each guest was invited to choose a rock with a single word that was meaningful in remembering our loved one. I still have that rock on my dining room table.

4. Let yourself grieve. There will be tears because we loved someone. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross said, “Our pain and our love are forever connected. To avoid the pain of loss would be to avoid the love and life we shared.” Because we loved, we grieve.

As you gather for the holidays this year, let yourself reflect, remember and adjust with patience in the different space you’re in. It’s okay to be where you are. Where you are today is not where you’ll stay.

"Grateful Yet Grieving"

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download

Pam’s recent publication: God in the Unexpected / Gratitude and Hope Even When You are Grieving at https://marybetheiler.com/hope-for-tomorrow/ (click on the “Writing” pulldown menu and select “Blog”)

See Pam’s story as featured in Dayspring’s recent book:

“Sweet Tea for the Soul: Comforting, Real-Life Stories for Grieving Hearts”